I've survived my first full week of school, and I am about ready for bed (currently, at 9:21pm). I absolutely love my job. I can't imagine doing anything else. However, I leave at 7:00am and I'm home around 5:00pm. Ben and I play and nurse almost non-stop from the time I get home until bedtime, and Ben's bedtime is 9:00pm; mine is 10:00pm. So that leaves one hour a day for diaper laundry, regular laundry, picking up around the house, lesson plans, grading papers, emailing friends, and so on. That one hour a day goes by pretty quickly.
I had a moment this week where it all came to a head, and I asked Josh to buy us a package of disposable diapers. This would take one thing off my list of so many, and maybe make my life a tiny bit easier. I love so much about cloth diapering, and we'll still be part-time most likely, but it's just too much with being gone 50 hours a week.
It all comes down to priorities, and my family is most important. I'm trying to let things go more. Particularly housework. A friend commented that I seem to see in black and white. Either the house is clean or it isn't. Either everything is great or it's horrible. I know deep down there is mostly grey in the world, but I'm just having a hard time seeing it. It's just fine if the house is sort of clean, and everything isn't perfect. That mindset is really something I need to work on more.
Is there any way your husband could do something to help you out? Maybe play with Ben for a few minutes while you start laundry when you get home? You'll probably waste more time going to the store for diapers than you will just doing the laundry at home. I 'get' seeing in black and white. I do that a lot too, but I am at home and have dirty dishes still sitting around from yesterday. I've learned to 'let go' a little bit. It helps a ton when my husband joins in 50/50 after work, and although our situations are different, I definitely feel for you.
ReplyDeleteJosh does tons. He does most of the housework that gets done during the week, and I try to catch up on the weekends. He's gone three nights a week, though, so there isn't much time left. On the nights when he is home, he's more than willing to put in 50/50 on the chores, but I would rather spend time as a family than clean. It's a lot more on my end than his.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing fine, Lara. Being a mom is the BEST thing in the world and, yet, is so hard in many ways. Everything changes when you have your own baby and family, including your outlook on life and priorities. I love things like cloth diapering, too, but your challenge today is exactly why we all but stopped cloth diapering while I was working. We kept it up on most weekends, and it really was a relief. The world kept turning and I was more relaxed, which is what my kiddos needed.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend whose son past away when he was about 10 or so in an accident. She has told me SEVERAL times since I began my family and have been stressed about these same things, that she so wished she had stopped cleaning so much and being so OCD with the "things to do" while he was young. She was so occupied that she missed alot of time with him and then he was gone.
The house can wait - and so can the laundry if it needs to. Do what you have to do for YOU and for Ben. Make adjustments so you can have less on your plate and enjoy every minute you can with Ben. Even if he lives to 100, he'll never be this size and this age again. It goes by SO fast.
That stinks for you! I hope things calm down a little bit and that you can get back to the routine you love! The mousehouse is going through quite a phase right now, so I feel the 'insanity' if you know what I mean. I've had so little sleep, though, that I'm starting to just not care at all that the trash stinks and the garbage disposal needs run. The fact that I keep up the routine I have is amazing at this point in time. You're doing WAY better than me. You go girl!
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